In these times of chaos and potential transformation it is worth revisiting our relationship to the triangle of archetypal identities: victim; perpetrator/abuser; rescuer/healer.
As we pursue our inner work, we often become aware of how we have been abused and how we are victims. It is important to recognize patterns of abuse and victimization. Working with patterns allows us avoid having to work with, and risk re-traumatization arising from, individual incidents. This can lead to effective release of trauma.
As we work through our own trauma we are often drawn to want to help others and share what we have learned so others may benefit. Although noble in intent, we can easily slip into trying to rescue others. This desire is often motivated by our unacknowledged roles as abusers and a hidden need to compensate.
Acknowledging our roles as abusers is deep shadow work. If we have been victims then it seems that we have also been abusers. We all participate in all three roles. Abusers in past lives (reincarnate lineage), or stage of life, become victims in the next and then rescuers. We also take on these roles from our parents, grandparents, etc. (bloodline lineage). The order in which we take on the roles changes but the cycle goes on and on.
Inner abuser work is also done most effectively by recognizing patterns in how we have played the role. The ways we take on the role of abuser can run the gamut from subtle manipulation, through control to violence. Often the ways we are victims reflects how we have been abusers. It is important that the abuser is acknowledged, brought out of the shadow, explored, “owned” and eventually forgiven. If this is not done wholeheartedly then the abuser turns inward. We become self-abusers, actively terrorizing ourselves from the inside. And we find we are paralyzed and avoid anything that might risk our abuser “surfacing”.
This shows up in a number of ways:
- Avoidance / fear of leadership.
- Avoidance / fear of power.
- Fear of our own anger.
- The need to always be in control and not “give in” to passions
- Betrayal (and self betrayal) that keeps us from moving forward in life.
- Self sabotage.
- Difficulty forgiving ourselves or others.
Our unacknowledged abuser may also be projected into, and mirrored back to us, from the world around us.
The hardest work of healing is to acknowledge that we are the victim, the abuser and the rescuer simultaneously.
We cannot eliminate evil, but can choose to hold it close and unexpressed.
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See also: Working with the inner tides