Our emotions – a life of their own

In the journey to fuller consciousness it seems that we inevitably encounter our emotions. Often through an experience of so-called “negative emotions” that, upon reflection, seems to take us further away from consciousness. We begin to explore the creation of our emotional state, and its relationship to “what is”. This writing addresses one perspective of this journey.

Early in our journey to consciousness our emotions just seem to happen. Our emotional response is “automatic”. We view a situation from the perspective of what “I want” or “I like”, or “I believe should be” and if we don’t get what we want or like or believe is right we experience a negative emotion. Conversely, if we get what we want, like or believe we experience a positive emotion. The various inner, often autonomous, aspects of ourselves “trigger” a response within us and consequently “positive” or “negative” emotions arise.

This happens so quickly that we often are unaware that there is a “hidden step” in the process. Between when we experience the situation and respond emotionally a whole host of things are going on. This series of events is something like this:

we compare “what is” to our beliefs regarding what “should be” based on our stance in the world (beliefs in this context include our needs, wants, likes, expectations, and entitlements);
from our mind (usually unconsciously) arises an evaluation by our ego-self (selves);
sometimes we also trigger a response that is derived from similar life experience in the past (we automatically assume that the current situation is the same as that from the past and respond accordingly). These responses can be particularly potent if the emotions from the past event have been suppressed;
this evaluation leads to “unconscious thought”, the intensity of which is dependent on our level of attachment to, and degree of identification with, the outcome we “want” vs. what is;
this results in the triggering of the release of brain chemicals that flood into our body and produce physical (including heart / mind response) sensations;
in our bodies, heart and mind we “feel” the “sensations” that we label emotion. Never realizing we generated it.
based on these “feelings” (our emotions) we generate more thoughts that are congruent with the feelings, which generate more brain chemicals and thus we create a positive feedback loop which can be challenging to break out of.

As long as we are unaware of this “hidden step” we attribute the emotion directly to the situation. We often say something like “he made me angry” or “that is really frustrating”. However we can recognize that an evaluation phase exists due to the different responses of different people to the same situation, so we can realize that there is no emotional attribute to the situation – it comes from within us. We may also notice that sometimes we are “torn”, or divided within ourselves regarding what emotions we experience. This may be a result of the various autonomous aspects of ourselves making different evaluations of the situation and thus our resultant emotional state is mixed / chaotic.

As long as we are “emoting” automatically the “small I’s” within, rather than our fuller consciousness, are “calling the shots”, and objective reality (“what is”) is unavailable to us since we can only see subjectively, through the distorted lens of our beliefs.

As we journey to fuller consciousness we begin to recognize that emotions do indeed arise from our beliefs and evaluations (often made by young, wounded aspects of ourselves). At this point we may wish to bring greater consciousness to our emotional world.

In many traditions it is recognized that there are three fundamental centers to our being. These are often referred to as the thinking / intellectual / mind center, the emotional / heart center, and the moving / physical / body center. Each of these hold their own wisdom and intelligence. We emerge at birth as a newborn self, and as we grow up we are inundated with the needs, beliefs, desires, expectations, entitlements, and patterns of our families, our peer group, our “profession” and our culture. We become encrusted with these, and take our stance in the world, through them. We loose who we might truly be and assume this imposed mantle of being. In addition, we usually develop our internal emotional patterns, processes and ingrained responses at a young age. Consequently we are often much younger emotionally than we are physically or intellectually.

As we mature we have the possibility of “learning” new and more effective ways of being. If we are interested we can learn new ways to use and move our bodies, through a myriad of training programs from athletics to yoga. We can discard what we initially learned about how to use our bodies and develop new skills and awareness. Likewise with our intellect. In the process of engaging in an education program we can discard old ideas and ways of thinking in favor of new ideas and thought processes. In western culture we place a premium on intellectual development. In both intellectual and physical development we recognize the need to correct past errors and extend / develop our capabilities.

But what of our emotional development? These are far fewer opportunities for emotional training and development, and many of those that exist have the stigma of “therapy” attached to them. We usually only access the work of psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, etc. in times of crisis. Consequently our emotional development is rarely engaged in with the same enthusiasm, or at the same level of intensity, as our physical and intellectual development. We have few methods or models of how to make corrections to, or extend the capacity of our emotional selves.

As we develop the desire to achieve fuller consciousness, we recognize the importance of removing the encrustations of emotion that keep us locked in who we currently are.

This can be done through the practice of “inquiry”. By combining our hidden, sub-conscious evaluation of a situation (from our personal perspective as described above), with a “larger” curiosity and desire to develop emotionally. This curiosity, desire for, and fascination with change in ourselves and the world, can be cultivated and drawn from the “wonder” of creation, as this grows within us in the journey to consciousness. We realize that emotion is a response, and that although I may initially want to blame the situation or person, I realize that only I can “make me angry” or happy. So, we move from being the victim of our emotions, through the recognition of our fears, to the curious inquirer of possibilities. This inner directed movement to curiosity (inquiry) can break us free of the emotional “feedback loop” mentioned previously, in a similar way to how distraction and the introduction of new things can be used to bring a small child out of an emotional “meltdown”.

Through inquiry we can consciously evaluate a situation; explore kinesthetic, visual, or auditory awareness; or utilize gnosis, to fully explore “what is going on”. We seek to make our “lens of belief” more transparent. We can use a variety of questions in the initial stages of this practice, such as:

What is really happening here?
Why does this matter to me – which “parts” of me reacting to this? What aspect of me is most “triggered” by this? Is this bringing up suppressed emotions from other experiences?
What will be some of the short and longer term possibilities arising from this?
Why might this be happening now?

Avoiding our automatic responses and developing the capacity for inquiry is most difficult in “negative” situations – since these emotions often “seize” us through the core of our egoic selves. A good training ground for the inquiry practice is in “positive” situations. When beginning to learn the practice we will likely continue to automatically move into “positive” emotions. However since these do not “capture” us the same way negative emotions do, we can more quickly move to inquiry and pursue the practice.

In this process we acknowledge the emotions arising from the various parts of us and follow them to find out what deep within us is reacting to “what is”.

The key is to create a greater and greater “gap” between the “stimulus” and our “response”. Within this gap lies the possibility of transformation.

As we develop mastery of this practice in “positive” situations we can, over time, apply the practice effectively in “negative” situations as well.

We can also access our emotional world through awareness of our bodies, since in many cases our emotions shape and are “held” in our physical structure. The encrusted, parasitic emotional patterns we have adopted unconsciously often drain us of life force, joi de vive, and may result in physical disease. Through the development of awareness of our body, or more structured somatic training, we can become aware of our “stance” in the world and the emotions, patterns and responses that creates this “stance. It is important to note, however, that in the “heat” of emotional response the release of brain chemicals mentioned previously has a direct effect on the sensations we are aware of in our bodies.

As we progress we can engage in personal transformation to change our subconscious programming and beliefs, heal wounded aspects of ourselves, and change our self image. We become more conscious, and recognize the gifts that adversity often brings. Our lens of belief becomes more and more transparent and we open the possibility of an objective (rather than subjective), non-distorted perspective of “what is”.

It is important to note that this inquiry process does not involve suppressing emotions. Suppression will only decrease our emotional capacity, reduce our consciousness, and result in us becoming robotic.

As we develop mastery in the exploration and transformation of our emotions, through inner curiosity, we begin to be able to access and express the unified aspect of our being (the three centers are now integrated). Things start to shift and we express the coherence of our being, our truer passion for life rather than for the success or failure of a situation, project or mission. We begin to open ourselves to the world around us, rather than just the pain or pleasure within, and we begin to face the world more and more “open heartedly”.

As we continue, the practice of conscious inquiry fades into the background, and we remain more easily in “equanimity” regarding “what is”. We become “integrated” at all levels of our being. This is not a state of not-caring, but rather a state of caring very deeply and from the perspective of “fuller consciousness”. Life shifts from being something that “I” live autonomously and mechanically, to a flow of energy wherein life is being expressed through me.