Healing trauma is challenging. For most of us it is one of the hardest things we will ever do. As we become aware of how we are all carrying the impacts of trauma, personal, ancestral and legacy, we are tempted to look outside ourselves for ways to heal. With the increase in awareness of trauma there is an increase in the development of psychological and other approaches. These have opened the doorways to healing, and also risk co-opting our inherent capacities and power to heal.
These inherent capacities are the foundation of complete healing. This note outlines some fundamental aspects of healing and then outlines how we might empower our own healing.
Some fundamentals:
- We are souls with bodies, and our souls are always guiding us towards wholeness. Our psyches and bodies yearn to heal.
- Spirit, the divine, our spirit allies, and angels are all guiding us towards wholeness and are ready and willing to assist us on the journey.
- The process of healing trauma is an initiation into who we really are.
- Trauma healing requires great courage and grit, in equal amounts. And curiosity; the heart-wrenching “I have to know”.
- Trauma by its very nature, robs us of our power. In trauma responses (fight, flight freeze or fawn), and the often accompanying physical symptoms, we lose parts of ourselves; our power, our trust in our own capacity to heal, and what it takes to do so.
- Despite the growing industry built around trauma healing, our healing is our responsibility. No one can do it for us and we have the power to heal ourselves. Trauma tools and techniques (e.g. IFS, Compassionate inquiry, etc.), therapists and plant medicine (psychedelics) are important, are very helpful, and can greatly assist us, but they are not silver bullets.
Process to reclaim our power to heal:
- Make a decision that the number 1 priority in your life is to resolve the personal trauma from when you were little. Acknowledge that this has to happen before you can effectively work on ancestral or legacy trauma, or any other “stuff”. Be clear regarding this commitment with your protectors (see note called Protectors). This decision hopefully leads to the commitment of “I’ll do whatever it takes to heal this trauma”. This commitment takes courage.
- Make a contract with spirit not to take on any new projects until you have broken through on clearing the trauma from when you were little. Protectors are really good at creating enticing, interesting new distractions. When distractions arise, recognize them for what they are, and ask your protectors to stop.
- Ask spirit and spirit allies to help you stay on track, and go deeper into the work. We are never alone in this work.
- Spend x hours per day meditating / journaling / inquiring with the goal of coming up with at least one new piece of your trauma puzzle every day. This might be a new memory, feeling, physical sensation or an addition to something you are already aware of, or something that takes you deeper into how trauma has shaped who you are. Start this process by asking your protectors to step aside. Assemble some tools to assist the work – music, incense, chanting, etc. This work takes grit.
- Share your trauma work journey with others who have resolved their trauma, not with others who have not resolved their trauma. We need the ears, compassion, and dedication of those who have found their way. Choose therapists and other practitioners who have done their own deep trauma healing, empower you to heal, don’t let you wriggle off the hook, and have the skills to take you deeper. This takes discernment.
- Research the psychological, physical, emotional and spiritual conditions / symptoms / life patterns that accompany the most common traumas impacting young people. Cross reference these to your ongoing trauma inquiry as an objective / therapeutic view of the trauma you may be carrying. Use all available resources – left and right brain.
- Create a mandala to hold all the notes, memories etc. of your trauma inquiry (a big piece of paper that is always in front of you might be good). Periodically redraw the mandala with all the pieces re-arranged in new ways that might reveal new patterns and insights. Use whatever tools and techniques you have to see deeper.
- Conduct a gratitude ceremony every time you break through on another piece of the puzzle or inner awareness – even if it is a minor break through. Feel your spirit allies supporting you in gratitude.
- Work with the younger parts of you that hold the trauma. Convince your protectors to step aside so you can connect with, and build relationship with, these younger parts. Comfort them, thank them for holding the burden of trauma, and ask them to share the burden, knowing you are ready to experience it and release it. This takes compassion.
- Whenever deep emotional states, feeling, or body sensations arise, (especially when working with younger parts that carry trauma) commit to feeling them. Sit with whatever arises, no matter how painful. Be open to any memories that arise. Stay with the feelings / sensations until they release and the energetic charge they are carrying dissipates. This can be very challenging and takes stamina.
- Focus on completely releasing all the aspects of trauma that are held within you. When this occurs the parts of you that held the trauma and the protectors will completely retire from their previous roles and you will no longer be triggered or move into old patterns of trauma response. Invite the retired parts to integrate into the wholeness of your heart. (see note called Host)
- Celebrate being free – step by step.
Some cautions:
- Be gentle and tender with yourself, but don’t confuse tenderness with time (going slowly). Honour the value of intensity. Breakthroughs happen when we stay in the cauldron even when the fires get really hot.
- Beware of getting stuck while focusing on emotions like anger, sadness, fear – go deeper to see what caused these. Journey to the sources, to the intensity of pain and hurt.
- Beware of managing the younger parts that hold trauma or protect us rather than truly releasing the trauma and having these parts completely retire from their previous roles.
- Beware of putting too much emphasis on time with therapists or other practitioners rather than on the value of deep personal inquiry. A high ratio of personal inquiry time to therapy time is desirable. For example; 20+ hours of deep personal inquiry / healing work for every hour spent with a therapist / practitioner. Commit to, and honour the power of, your own healing.
Know that the release of trauma is worth far more than the pain involved in releasing it. Becoming more authentic, no longer trapped in patterns of self-preservation, is an amazing gift to give yourself. And the energy, inner space, and peace that open up, post trauma, is like being reborn.
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Note: Use this website search function to see other notes on trauma. In addition see “Protectors”, “Host” and “Choir Song”.