Working with the inner tides - ricknotesricknotes

The energies described in the article “The inner tides of these times of chaos” bring up many, and perhaps over time, all, “unresolved” life issues / experiences. It seems that anything within us where our self image is at odds with our essence will be called into “question” and inner tension will be created. This is great, since the energetic basis for complete resolution is inherent within the energies themselves – the essence blueprint mentioned earlier. However our attachment to our self image, identities, desires, beliefs and our “stance in life” is often at odds with the blueprint.

This sets the stage for personal work – the growth opportunities, and the intense personal catharsis that we experience. It seems that the range of frequencies in the incoming energy is increasing over time, as is both the amplitude and intensity of the energies. Thus the potency of the opportunities for life review / recapitulation / resolution is “ramping up” every month, and effectively redefining what the work of personal transformation entails. Kind of cool, except “the work” is so damn challenging to do.

I have found myself having the same past experiences “come up” over and over, with no apparent reason. The tides / energies would put the same old stuff in front of me, either from my “mind” via memories or via situations / people and other “mirrors”. I would go into the same old patterned responses – sometimes emotional, sometimes mental, sometimes recognizing my pattern and generating mucho frustration. For quite a while I didn’t recognize that I was in fact rehashing (rather than just remembering). Recognizing the “charge” on the re-generated experiences brought me to explore what was going on and possible responses.

So, the first stage was to recognize and welcome the opportunity for resolution. The accumulated shame, guilt, fear, etc. often appears as distortions in my Ka or Sahu field and are like parasites – draining life force, power, commitment to, and capacity for, true transformation.

This accumulation, when activated by the incoming energies, greatly diminishes my capacity to shift into more coherent emotional / spiritual states such as appreciation. This state, when maintained, is a potent support for transformation.

As long as I have all this internal baggage, the parasitic draining of life force, and am out of sync with my essential blueprint, I’m not really going anywhere spiritually anyway, so I can start to generate a wee bit of gratitude for this opportunity for resolution.

Ah, the challenges of “letting go” and truly “dying” to who I am (have been) in order to transform. The continual dance with Shiva; requiring greater and greater fearlessness.

It seems that our stuff falls into the usual three general categories. This appears as the same old kind of stuff, however at this time there seems to be the opportunity to work at deeper and more subtle / disguised forms of the expression of these, and rather than just work on a single aspect the entire trio can be engaged. More on this below.

The first is when I feel I was “wronged” and as a result suffer deep wounds. In these cases I was the “victim” and I hold blame regarding the other. And, often additionally, I blame myself for being so (stupid, gullible, weak, etc.) and hold resentment / anger toward the other, myself and God / Goddess for how things went down. Ah, our desire to hang onto the role of victim, denial of self responsibility, and our even greater attachment to being the martyr.

The second is when I did something (real or imagined) that harmed or wronged others, and now brings up shame, guilt or fear regarding the “bad” things I have done; and this is often linked to further fear of others finding out about it all. These are the times when I consciously or unconsciously (particularly when I was young) was the “perpetrator” and did “things” I now judge as “bad”.

The third is when I have acted to care-take or rescue others and the resultant take-over of control of what they might do, thus denying them power in the process; and acting out the role of hero (mostly in my own mind).

In the moon cycles the low tide of exposure lays before us all that we have done. And the high tide of inundation brings our deepest wounds, shadow aspects, pain and emotions lapping at the shores of our consciousness.

In the past I have worked with my inner victim, perpetrator, and rescuer by recognizing which of these was “in play” and then working to resolution. However I have found recently that this is insufficient. It seems that for more complete resolution, working with the incoming energies, it is necessary to review all three aspects for any “issue” that rises on the tides. This means that when working with issues of being a “victim”, in order to complete the work, I must also review the same “issue” and recognize and resolve the aspect of me that was / is the perpetrator of the same issue, and the rescuer. This leads to a much more complete recapitulation and resolution, however it is always harder to acknowledge the inner perpetrator than the victim or martyr. Likewise when working on issues primarily associated with the guilt / shame of being a perpetrator, I must also work through the recognition of myself in the experience of the victim and this deepens the power of self compassion in healing. Likewise when working through rescuer issues, acknowledging how this is often motivated by a desire to avoid deeper connection with my roles of perpetrator and victim around the same issue, or perhaps a twisted desire to make up for my participation in these other roles, is often critical for true resolution.

If all three aspects are not fully explored and worked to resolution, there seems to be an increasing likelihood that the unresolved aspect will be “projected”. This seems to be most prevalent when we focus on “healing” our inner wounds from a victim perspective, and ignore our perpetrator / shadow aspects and roles. The result being that we project the disowned perpetrator into the world and it increasing manifests in our reality.

In the past we have had the luxury of healing and transforming individual issues – often when they would manifest as physical “symptoms” or situations. As the energy “amps up” it seems we must now work on ourselves much more holistically. Rather than working on one issue at a time, with each energy shift and pulse we are now facing a “complete makeover”. The possibility of maintaining cognitive dissonance and its associated states of delusion is diminishing. This is particularly challenging since we have less experience in holistic evaluation of our “coherence of being” and simultaneously addressing and “rooting out” multiple issues simultaneously. This seems especially true when these incoherencies are often held in our possessions, careers, and more subtle aspects of our identities.

I expect there are many successful ways to move to resolution. Here are some of what I’ve discovered and use.

Self acceptance

Being willing to acknowledge all of what has gone on in my life, be known by it, and no longer hold as “secret” any aspects. Welcome / acknowledge the shadow and to come out of hiding. I sometimes do this by visualizing the stuff I’m working on being published on the front page of the paper, so all can see who I have been. Recognizing that many judgments by others have and will occur, that they are inevitable, that they likely will cause some relationships to end, and options to close. Freedom from the story / issue is worth most any price of judgment. This encompasses my willingness to admit mistakes, openly end my dreams of being perfect, and other delusions regarding who I am or should be. This leads to revising my self image to accept all of me, and yet remain “grounded” in who I currently am – not who I have been in the past.

As described above, it is much more “comfortable” to accept and work to heal myself as the victim / martyr, than it is to dig into, recognize and accept myself as the perpetrator. Ah, the inherent allusiveness of the “shadow”.

In doing the “revealing” and accepting I have the opportunity to explore the fear that underlies each story. The underlying fear is often the “cause” of recurring themes in the stories / stuff – and when identified can be worked on – to break the experience cycle that reinforces it.

Coming to peace through forgiveness.

Once I’ve deeply accepted “what is” I can begin the process of forgiveness.

First of the ‘other’ in the stories where I am the victim. To end the hostility that I hold within and that is often “crippling” me. In this case I am referring to forgiveness as a personal act of self healing and moving forward unburdened by the past, often done independently of any interaction with the “perpetrator” of the situation.

Then of God / Goddess – since this blame and anger keeps me distant from the spiritual connection I’m committed to building, and unconsciously erodes trust in myself and spirit.

Then, the hardest, of myself. Especially myself as perpetrator.

I find the key to real forgiveness is to do the work until achieving a “wash” of energy indicating my “coming to peace” and hence the achievement of true forgiveness.

Incorporation.

The goal here is the re-uniting the parts of myself that are “split” as a result of trauma or denial. The retrieval of aspects of myself that I denied, rejected or banished to protect a false self image (often shadow aspects). With acceptance in place, it is often fairly easy to find and reincorporate these – often using a simple “walk into each other” type merge. As with other soul retrieval work, it sometimes requires negotiation with the returning soul part, establishment of conditions and responsibilities, and initial nurturing of it during the re-integration process.

I have found that a very effective format for this work is via a sacred fire. Even the small fire of a sacred candle has the potential to receive our prayers, and transform what we wish to release or transform, through the symbolic burning of the energy of wounds, pain, quilt, shame, etc. The fire also reinforces the energy transmitted via the moon cycles in a way that can stimulate our essence at a time when we are receptive, and willing to clear / release.

If issues seem particularly resistant, then its time to explore the possibility of implants, curses, chords and “other stuff” traditionally associated with deeper shamanic work. One interesting aspect of the incoming energies is that this type of deeper work appears to be becoming easier as our “light bodies” are strengthened by the incoming energies, and our vision expands to see these previously cloaked or hidden “structures”. This of course is assuming we are receptive to the energy and on the path from distorted / deluded self to essence.

As a result of this inner work my capacity to feel and hold appreciation and deeper gratitude seems to increase.

All is all, “it is a good day to die” to who we have been, and make the journey from fear to freedom.