We are a choir.
A choir of all the aspects of our personality.
The mature parts of us are trying to sing lead in our song of life.
To create the life we want.
And it can sound quite wonderful.
Until something comes along that triggers, or is perceived to threaten us.
And the young, traumatized, wounded, parts of us that are standing off by themselves at the edge of the stage start to sing a different song. One that overpowers all other songs and dictates our behaviour.
We can become aware of these parts of our soul that split off from our choir in times of past trauma. They are estranged from our core nature and have developed their own song. A song to protect / defend themselves using the best methods they had available when they were first traumatized.
There are other parts of us that suddenly start to sing when we least expect it.
They are nowhere to be seen.
We don’t remember them, and question whether they exist.
And we don’t want to consider the trauma that caused them to separate and “disappear”.
However, their protective song is controlling the choir and our life.
We want to get our lives back on the song we have in mind.
Yet there are key aspects of our lives that are in disarray – the song just won’t carry us.
Additionally, we are often desperately lonely. Unconsciously wishing to re-unite with all the aspects of who we really are.
These separate and lost parts of us have little confidence in our mature nature.
The mature people didn’t keep them safe back when the original trauma occurred and they have no reason to believe that they would now.
They are often defiant and rebellious.
They know that we are only alive (psychologically, emotionally and perhaps even physically) because of their ability to protect us in the past.
When the big traumas hit – the ones we don’t want to acknowledge or remember.
How do we bring these parts of our soul back into our heart and choir?
Retrieve them from the shadows, and have them be willing to sing in harmony with the song of life we are trying to create?
We start with the ones we are aware of.
Working with the ones we are not aware of is harder, requiring deeper inquiry.
First: we have to acknowledge and make contact with them and be willing to consider the implications of their existence. The trauma we have minimized or denied.
And sit with them, to get to know who they are, and slowly build trust.
And perhaps the hardest part is we have to feel what they felt when traumatized and what they feel now. To really ‘feel with’ them in compassion.
Then they will know that we are serious and actually appreciate who they are and what they have been through.
Then they may be willing to listen to alternatives to the song they sing when feeling threatened.
They may be willing to trust us – a little.
And allow us to come closer. To put an arm around them. To comfort them in a way that has never happened.
To love them, and show them that love in a way they can feel.
And over time invite them back into our hearts.
No longer outside the choir.
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Note: for additional info see “River”, “Origins – Trauma and Shame”, “Host” and “Transitions”